Well im writing again.. So this time meaning you have been really lucky. Well this post is gonna be about sadness and betrayal .. Well not that someone did betray me. Its that i betray my own sister. You see she likes this guy name *toot* and well they had a thing going on right. So like one day, she brought him over and well things started happening in the room. I kinda kissed him on his lips?
I bet your probably wondering WHY THE FUCK would you do that by now. Well i'll tell you why.. Becus YES i did kinda of like him in a way,that YES i would kiss him, And he happen to be there in my room with me. And i tell you i cant control myself when i want to kiss a person. So it happens to be that YES i did kiss him.
I did watever i could to say sorry to eliqa, to mean it to her. And all she could say was that ' its ok, i dont really care &watever elli '. Its not that i dont blame her buh still, I was saying sorry and i was about to kill myself. YES i was on the verge of SUICIDE, buh i didnt do it cus i had to think about my family and my friends and well.. Since i am muslim and all, If i do kill myself [ which wont happen] i shall go directly to hell.
This is not a very interesting thing to write buh i had to becus i wanted everyone [ ho read's this ] taht i am sorry and that i know i did wrong. I love my sister to death and i couldnt bare look at her when we talked in the room, As if i could feel her pain all by itself. I wanted to take that blade and plundge it into my wrist and just dont give a shit about the sheets if the blood will stain or my mothers expression if she see's me lying there soaked in blood.
I didnt care anymore, i was about to do it. Buh i thought of my family and friends. And it hit me , that YES we do mistakes in life that WILL hurt the person you love and YES we do , do things taht we will regret. This has no reason for me to kill myself i thought. I did hurt her and i do have to live with myself for it. Buh its no reason to KILL myself. So seriously, then i put the blade to my leg and i started cutting there. I was pissed with myself becus i should cut somewhere else buh its ok.
It was big the cut i mean, its big... i cut myself 24 times. Now i have the total of 164 cuts all over me :/. I know its not something to be proud of buh still. Just thought of writing this down to the readers. Note, If you think your life is over , think again ;), And if you think your life is in ruins.. think about the ppl that are worse then you, what would they do ? They would live on and remove the past. No matter how hard or painfull it is.. You just have to move on.
Much love xx Elli <3
I bet your probably wondering WHY THE FUCK would you do that by now. Well i'll tell you why.. Becus YES i did kinda of like him in a way,that YES i would kiss him, And he happen to be there in my room with me. And i tell you i cant control myself when i want to kiss a person. So it happens to be that YES i did kiss him.
I did watever i could to say sorry to eliqa, to mean it to her. And all she could say was that ' its ok, i dont really care &watever elli '. Its not that i dont blame her buh still, I was saying sorry and i was about to kill myself. YES i was on the verge of SUICIDE, buh i didnt do it cus i had to think about my family and my friends and well.. Since i am muslim and all, If i do kill myself [ which wont happen] i shall go directly to hell.
This is not a very interesting thing to write buh i had to becus i wanted everyone [ ho read's this ] taht i am sorry and that i know i did wrong. I love my sister to death and i couldnt bare look at her when we talked in the room, As if i could feel her pain all by itself. I wanted to take that blade and plundge it into my wrist and just dont give a shit about the sheets if the blood will stain or my mothers expression if she see's me lying there soaked in blood.
I didnt care anymore, i was about to do it. Buh i thought of my family and friends. And it hit me , that YES we do mistakes in life that WILL hurt the person you love and YES we do , do things taht we will regret. This has no reason for me to kill myself i thought. I did hurt her and i do have to live with myself for it. Buh its no reason to KILL myself. So seriously, then i put the blade to my leg and i started cutting there. I was pissed with myself becus i should cut somewhere else buh its ok.
It was big the cut i mean, its big... i cut myself 24 times. Now i have the total of 164 cuts all over me :/. I know its not something to be proud of buh still. Just thought of writing this down to the readers. Note, If you think your life is over , think again ;), And if you think your life is in ruins.. think about the ppl that are worse then you, what would they do ? They would live on and remove the past. No matter how hard or painfull it is.. You just have to move on.
Much love xx Elli <3
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